Scrambled Brains

I've been feeling like a failure a lot recently. It's something that seems to ebb and flow, this feeling. It creeps up until you're almost drowning and then something happens (usually tears and talking with t'other half) and then it drops back to tolerable levels.

The kids are my biggest trigger. There. I said it. They are a trigger and a half. They can trigger me with one solitary word. Most recently it's been their diet that has me stressed. We have a sometime-picky glutton in Kaiden, and a taste/texture aversion and general suspicion in Taylor.

When Kaiden says "No" it riles me right up. I know he likes it, I know he's had it before and then picked on his father and me to "share" ours; and to top it off, I know fine well he's not eaten properly through the day and thus NEEDS to frickin' eat.

When Taylor says "No" it riles me right up. He's not even smelled it, not even licked it to try and work out if the flavour is familiar. And to top it off, I know fine well he's not eaten properly through the day and thus NEEDS to frickin' eat.

Taylor of course is a slightly more complex kettle of fish in that he has more severe allergies than his baby brother (who had egg pasta tonight without vomiting! Go K!), and he's anaemic due to his abysmal diet. The thing is, when I cook from scratch for him, there's only a 50-50 chance he'll try it, and from there only a 30-70 chance he'll eat more than half of what's in front of him. So making cottage pie or mince and tatties or bolognese (all of which afford me the option of hiding a squillion veggies inside without him noticing) is fraught with anxiety because over half the frickin' time HE DOESN'T BLOODY EAT IT.

The kid is overweight because what he DOES eat is all beige and trash. Chicken nuggets, chips, garlic bread (baguette only), crisps, bagels (cinnamon and raisin only), ice cream and milk. The kid would live off milk via intravenous drip if he were allowed. He will eat fruit - apples mostly, sometimes grapes (green only), oranges (only if daddy peels them), and the occasional banana. He will also eat those horribly expensive fruit pouches designed for babies and toddlers. Not the fruit + veg ones. He's too smart for that.

So to reduce my anxiety over this we have decided to start buying ready meals for the kids. Ready meals. Rather than me making kid-sized ready meals for them we are going to be buying them off the shelf so that when they end up all over the frickin' floor I don't explode at thinking about the time, effort, sweat, tears etc that went into that meal, so that I don't take it personally when they don't eat it (or even worse, abuse it). Daddy will also be helping them to eat their dinner whilst mommy sits far, far away so she doesn't choke the ever-loving crap out of the little sweethearts.

When they've grown up enough to eat whateverthefrick is on their plates, I'll start cooking for them again. Until that day comes they can live off of the overpriced supermarket gumpf with a guaranteed 1-of-their-5-a-day inside its plastic housing.

SCREW YOU, KIDS.